Feeding the soul

For many years I have struggled with not knowing what it was that I wanted to do, or be. I have tried or trained in many things and found a sense of nothingness. Despite trying to be passionate it just wasn't happening. I know from experience that so many people feel this way, but have no idea what to do about it.

When my dad died in June 2008, from cancer, I metaphorically left town. Although I appeared to be fine to the outside world, I felt as if I had been thrown over the side of a ship and didn't know which way to swim for home. In short I handed over my future to nothingness. I stopped trying to guide it. I gave up trying to impact it. I stopped looking. It was sometimes scary and sometimes peaceful. It didn't really matter.

Last week I went on a weeks training course to become a Lebed method - dance & movement instructor. I have no idea how I got to be there. I don't remember how the course found me, but it did and something inside of me said 'go for it'.

That week opened up my life in a way that I cannot recall before. I had no idea that dance & movement could make me feel so happy and fulfilled. Each day we practiced the different moves and dances and it got better and better. My terribly stiff neck, back, shoulders and hips disappeared. My movements became more fluid. I became playful and joyous and people responded to my 'energy' In honesty, I don't really think I had felt this way since I was a small child! Oh my god how scary is that? How many people lose their joy and NEVER discover it?

Lebed is a method of movement and dance created by by Shelley Lebed Davis and her two brothers, after their mother was diagnosed with cancer. Shelley was a classical dancer and together with her two doctor brothers they came up with a dance & movement routine that simulated physiotherapy movements, but put together to music and with some creativity in the dance segments.

The opening 15 minutes stimulates the lymph glands to open, helping the lymph fluid to start moving through the lymphatic system. This can help to reduce swelling associated with lymphoedema, and encourage the body to regain full movement, something that can be almost impossible, especially after mastectomy and reconstruction. The movements are slow and rhythmic and beautiful to do.

This first fifteen minutes of the programme will be promoted as a programme to corporate clients. It helps to dissolve stiffness and tension from the body and increases a sense of well being and connection. These, I believe are pre-requisite for a good working life - having suffered from the aches and pains associated with sitting on a PC all day.

It is a fully published and medically recognised programme, operating in over 700 hospitals throughout the world.

My passion for the horse programme has reignited and next year I plan to start afresh, predominantly with a women's programme. My friend Yvette - who I met when she attended the first ever equine workshop that I ran - also trained with me, and we plan to offer women's retreats next year - a combination of Lebed, belly dancing, meditation, open discussion, laughter therapy and whatever else is right at the time.

I can't tell you how to discover your passion. All I know is that - in my working life - I was dead all the way through like a stick of rock. I think that the best thing to do is to give up, let go and hand it over to your soul, your higher self, god or whatever your belief is. It took around nine months for me to discover my passion and that was well worth the sense of loss and isolation I experienced. I believe that we all tend to move away from discomfort too quickly. It is a guide after all, and if we sit in the 'pain' eventually we come out the other side with renewed vigour and with a lightness of our souls.