Cutting through the layers

When I started my coaching practice in 2004, I had no idea of how much I would learn from my clients. In the early days, I would see my own issues facing me, and be forced to deal with them head on.

I am a great believer in turning round to face our demons, no matter how ugly and foul these demon(s) might - at first - appear to be.

But it's too easy to become a master of denial, and that's your choice. The problem with the ostrich in the sand attitude is that we lose out on the exciting discovery of exactly how much potential we have. We live within the limitations that we have created, layer upon layer, covering up the power and the fulfilment that is lying dormant, just waiting for the flute of recognition to be played.

The layers of our sub conscious and sub personalities go deep. There are many ways to explore this, far too many to list here, but the first step is to develop awareness of when we are 'running away' from the truth.

Simply notice when you are: -

• Feeling unsettled for no 'apparent 'reason
• Making excuses
• Switching your focus
• Turning to addictive behaviour - reaching for the chocolate, alcohol or anything that pushes back the truth
• Diverting attention to non essential activities - sudden urges to steam clean your trousers, sharpen every pencil in your desk or browse facebook for a few hours are good examples! :-)
• Using logic, cynicism or intellect instead of heart, courage and intuition

This is a good start. Whatever you are doing - or not doing - just stop, and notice. You might say to yourself, 'that's interesting, look what I am doing'. Don't beat yourself up, nor, at this stage, try to stop the behaviour, just be aware of it.

Learn to become aware of: -

• Your breathing - you may notice that your breathing becomes shallow, or you might hold your breath
• Your body - Your body may tense up, shoulders become hunched or your body language become smaller
• Your thinking - do you go on autopilot - what internal messages are you giving yourself?

For me, I noticed that I stopped breathing whenever I become nervous, agitated or angry. With enhanced awareness, I now immediately take calm deep yoga type breaths, pushing my tummy out when I breath in and sucking my tummy in when I breath out, It works a treat, restoring my equilibrium and focus.

It's a minefield of an area, and a definate favourite of mine. Watching people uncover the layers is exciting and rewarding, because once your brain starts to make the switch there is no going back. Progress is fast at this stage, like letting a bird out of a cage for the first time, there's a whole lot of flying to do!

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Stretching

It is all too easy to stay in our comfort zone. We may not like it, but we always kind of know what will happen on a day to day basis. As a tool for personal growth, I have to tell you it sucks!

Like you, I have been guilty of creating a lovely warm nest for my comfort zone. When my soul tells me, 'Oi! wake up! It's time to get out of this bed and go do something', I usually manage to ignore it. Or at best I 'pretend' to do something, and then crawl back under the duvet.

Since dad died, my nest had got real warm. Snuggled up in the blankets of reclusivity, self pity, anger and denial, I was going to have to be winkled out with a crowbar. Intellectually, I knew that what I was doing was 'wrong', but then I convinced myself that the grieving process takes time, it was too early, it was the wrong day of the month, I could start tomorrow, it didn't feel the right time to take action...blah blah flipping blah.

Fortunately, my soul is made of sterner stuff. Despite the fact that it must be exhausted from kicking my butt around for the last few months, it still managed to set my alarm, boot me out of bed and get me in the car for 9am this morning. I was going to a women's speed networking event. Yay! Snore!

At 7:30 am this morning, the devil on my back {D.O.M.B} was saying, 'stay in bed Janny. You are lovely and warm, the dogs are snuggled up to you, you don't want to go out in the cold on such a nasty day as this. Stay in bed. It will probably be full of women that make cakes for a living anyway'. The D.O.M.B can sound pretty convincing.

Puffing up like an irate blowfish, my soul pulled back the covers and yelled, 'GET UP....NOW!!'

Exit D.O.M.B!

I used to be a real shy soul, so driving to this event I felt myself rising and falling between courage and cowardice, 'what about if no one likes me?' my inner child whined. 'Like that's going to happen!' my inner warrior bounced back. And so it went on.

Twenty women in one room. It sounds a nightmare doesn't it? But it was great, fab, inspirational and so well worth sliding out of bed for.

I am ashamed to say that it's the first networking event I have done for over a year. Somehow my ex business partner and I convinced each other that networking was not for us. Scaredy cats I now realise!

I spoke to most of the women, and synergystically connected with three or four ladies that I felt a real link with. I already have a meeting with one lady, and plans to get together for a coffee with three others. One lady I know is going to make an impact on my project for Help for Cancer.

This fun event also made me realise how passionate I am about my programme. I love the corporate work, but I noticed that when I talked about the cancer project, I lit up, totally lit up. Now you and I know that my soul is saying, 'hey, get it now eh?' and yes okay, I understand and am now committed to stretching those 'take action' muscles to get myself out there.

You don't know who you are until you stretch. You don't know how powerful you are until you take a step nearer the bar. You have no idea of the mass of potential inside of you, until you see it reflected in other peoples eyes.

So get out of bed right now, ditch the comfort blankets and go look for you star!

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Anything is possible!

Barack Obama is the new President!

Over the last few days, I followed the presidential election with interest but, more than that, I wanted Obama to win. Reading of the millions of American people queuing to vote, it became clear that America wanted change.

Obama's campaign was inspirational, but it seemed to come from a place of genuine intention, rather than the typical sickly American spin. His call seemed to be genuine.

Watching this amazing event in history, made me realise how much we are all seeking change for our world. It is time to let go of the old and forge into the future with the untried new. Somehow, we know that what happens in America, always affects us. I for one actually feel hopeful, even though I have no real idea as to why!

Maybe it is the fact that, on paper, it would appear impossible that a man like Obama, with little experience, could win and, coupled with the fact that he is a coloured man, maybe few thought he had a real chance.

But he captured 'something' in all of us across the globe and I for one am grateful for waking up to the real possibility of world change.

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Desire V Intention

I have only one real desire. My lifelong dream, since I was a very small child, is to own a smallholding, somewhere calm & peaceful where I can have my horses, alpacas and llamas, chickens, sheep, ducks & goats!

Somewhere with stables and barns and potential training rooms... I know what it looks like - I can feel it - but it hasn't arrived yet!

One Christmas Eve, when I must have been around five or six years old, I found it hard to sleep. I worried that Santa would think I was naughty if he found me awake. I tossed and turned and thought I would never fall asleep. But I did. In the early hours of the morning, in the half light, I woke up to see that he had been. Yay! There was a red sack at the bottom of the bed, but there was also something on top of my chest of drawers.

I got out out bed and felt this 'something' all over with my hands. It was made of wood. There seemed to be buildings and fences! As my eyes adjusted, I realised that Santa had bought me a farm! Well, we know now that my dad had made me a wooden farm. It was wonderful. The 'grass' had been painted green, the buildings orange & brown and it had little white fences. The stables even had little proper doors! I soon added my collection of plastic animals to my farm and played with it hour upon hour.

I was so happy!

I don't know what happened to that farm. I guess as I became older and made contact with real horses, that I lost interest in playing with my farm and animals. But I still have all of those animals in a plastic bag under the stairs. My collection, strangely, includes giraffes, elephants and gorillas. You don't see many of those on British farms!

Over the years, I have done all sorts of visualisations & affirmations. I even had a period where I tried 'magik spells' [ooer!] I have created wish boards with big pictures of the sort of place that I want - and yet I am no nearer to getting it. I live in a lovely cottage, on a farm and my horses are at home, but it's a rental property and there are limitations as to what I can do. Anyway that's not important - what is important is that today I had a huge realisation, and its this....

As long as my dream remains a desire I might never have it!

There! There it is, I have said it!

I truly believed that my desire was directing me towards my dream but, on reflection, maybe it was keeping me from it.

But if I change that desire to an INTENTION, I have a good chance of obtaining it.

Desire is like having a set of fluffy car seats to make your car feel more comfortable - if that's your thing! - but intention is the fuel that actually makes your car go, and five star rocket fuel at that! Wow! What a realisation this is! How could I have missed this? D'oh!

I have been asked what I would like my business to be like, and I have a sense of what I want, and an idea of how to achieve it. But I haven't got my battle gear out and stood behind that intention.

My small team of helpers provide me with support, but what they see in me is a dream. If I asked them if they recognised my 100% kick ass intention, I bet they would say 'er .. no!' I surmise that they think the business may work or it may not, and think I am OK with it either way. And that, to be fair, is how I felt...until today. I prided myself on not being attached to an outcome.

Getting my smallholding is not going to happen without action. I might be lucky and win the lottery, or maybe some generous benefactor may give me a farm - but it isn't likely.

Intention creates: -

• Action


• Enthusiasm


• Tools


• Other peoples support


• Opportunities


• Energy


• Focus


• Drive


• Determination

The list could go on, but you get the picture.

What is it that you want? Is it still a dream? Are you simply desiring it? Right now decide to commit yourself to your intention. Ask yourself power questions like 'what do I need to do to get started on my intention' and keep asking focused action packed open questions. Your enthusiasm will attract others to you, and keep you focused when the obstacles start trying to get in your way.

My intention is to get my smallholding. The steps that will take me there are, as yet, unknown. But given the above list, it cannot fail to create the very thing that I intend to get. No doubt there will be some delightful surprises along the way... and I am ready for them all.

Obstacles?? Pah! Bring them on......

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

The question is....

As a trained coach, I quickly saw the benefits of using powerful questions with my clients. Powerful, not in the sense of being challenging or overtly direct, but just asking the right question based on my observations of what they were saying. Questions also based on what they were not saying.

One of my clients struggled with finding focus in her life. As we worked through a layout of her day, I wondered how she managed to find the time to eat! As we then began to chunk down all of her tasks, I asked her what things she wanted to do and what things she felt she 'had to do'. As she did this I notice that she said 'I should...' about some of the tasks.

I pointed this out to her and asked her how great doing something she felt she should do was. Naturally she replied that it was pretty rubbish, and that she wanted to do the things she wanted to do, not should do.

By working on self questions like this we can quite easily identify aspects of our days that drain our energy, and replace them with things that energise us. My client shaved off half off her workload by allocating some of it to other people, and started to enjoy her days doing as she wished to do - which was to build a new business.

One of the questions I ask myself when making a decision on a task is, 'Will doing this enhance my life/growth/business/relationships [any one thing can apply] or take something away from it?'

Getting into a coaching mindset of asking open questions can significantly improve the way that you deal with day to day difficulties, particularly in relationships.

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Letting Go

There is one person in your life that puts you under more pressure than anyone else.

That person is YOU!

Sadly it often takes a life changing event to make us realise how hard we drive ourselves. For me it started with the death of my dad and, at the same time, a very sick horse.

My priorities had to stand on their head for over three months as I nursed the horse. At the end of it I became aware of how unbalanced my life was. I spent little time enjoying the good things and people in my life, and I was so in the middle of my business that I could not assess progress, or create more definable strategies.

I changed it, and guess what happened? I simply switched to another equally unbalanced process, spending too much time doing what I wanted and not enough time working. Would I ever get it right?

It's work in progress, and I think it is like that for most of us. These days I tend to do what I feel like doing and let go of the things that I feel I 'should' be doing. It's early days, and I am a bit of a blank canvas with few paints. But, in the main 'letting go' has removed a vast amount of pressure. I no longer beat myself up for doing or not doing, and I allow myself downtime if I feel stressed or tired.

Strangely, it seems that I am actually able to get more work done by being less driven by it. A bit of pressure is a necessary thing, we all need a little stress in order for us to get things done. But the last thing we need is to be getting on at ourselves night and day. So let it go. It may feel a little odd at first, but stay with it for a week or two and see what happens.

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Fear

In todays society we are conditioned into a collective consciousness of fear. One only has to watch or listen to the news to wonder what on earth is happening to our world.

Violence and instability dominates the headlines, and we somehow begin to feel that we are a part of it all.

Lack of self esteem also grounds us into the muddy ruts of our lives. We become apathetic, powerless, angry or depressed. There is much talk of 'inner strength' but how is that accessed when the mind and body is frozen with fear?

In my experience, I have observed that the first stage in conquering fear is to simply notice when and how we are feeling it. There may be some physical symptoms like: -

• Shallow breathing


• Tight chest


• Shaking


• Feeling of panic


• Heightened senses

It is also pretty much 100% certain that your 'inner voice' will be frantically throwing food to the fear, trying to convince you that the fear is justified.

What to do
Simply become aware that this is an aspect of your inner self that thinks it is helping you. Listen and observe and then choose to ignore it. Pushing it away will give it power, but listening and then choosing to feel a different way, will weaken its grip on you.

Fear is like a bottle of lemonade that has been shaken up. As long as we keep shaking the bottle, the pressure will grow. But releasing the pressure a little at a time will enable us to open the bottle fully when the pressure has abated. This is a little like our state of fear.

When you learn how to become witness to your emotions you automatically begin to develop emotional intelligence. This state of being allows you to make positive choices about the way you react to and interact with your world. You don't have to be part of the drama of life. You can write our own script and choose which part you play.

Fear only has the power to imobilise you if you allow it to. So next time you recognise this state creeping up on you, watch, listen and learn.

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST