It can be another way

The human brain has an uncanny way of getting stuck. When we feel 'trapped' during an unpleasant situation or phase of our lives, our thoughts can become circular. After a period of time, which will be different for everyone, we give up on hope. We can't see another way of life and cannot believe that things can ever get better.

With those thoughts rattling around in our heads, for sure we may suffer a lot longer than we need to. But the only way to escape our hell is to head for heaven. We must believe 100% that we have the power to change our own experiences.

At first it's hard, nothing seems to change. Indeed, it may become worse for a while. That's a test. What are you made of? Are you going to give up just because it gets a bit tough?

Imagine if you came back from the supermarket with someone elses shopping. Inside the bag were sweet, fattening processed ready meals, crisps, chocolate, cakes and all the stuff to clog up your heart. This is not what you want. You are a healthy eater, your bag contained fruit and veg, salads and lots of other fresh foods and healthy snacks. What do you do? Do you accept this rubbish bag of food, or do you take it back to the supermarket and change it for what you want?

It's that easy, once you get your head around the concept. But our brains seek to make things more complicated, thus making it harder to change. And we are supposed to be one of the most intelligent lifeform. I am sure ants would get it a whole lot quicker than we do.

If you are finding it tough to change your mindset, I can recommend 'The Attraction Factor' by Joe Vitale. I am reading it for the third time as I am trying to create change in my life right now. Join me in this process of change, and let me know how you get along.

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk
www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk
www.helpforcancer.co.uk

Jan's Podcast

Running with dogs

I love it when I discover an aspect of life that inspires and motivates me, or when I undertake something that sparks my flame.

At the weekend, I took part in a cani-cross event. What an incredible experience. This is a sport where you run with your dog. You have a waist belt with attachment to a long lead with bungee, which clips to a special harness on your dog. The theory is that your dog then pulls you along. There were 200 dogs competing, quite a few people running with pairs of dogs - an array of all interesting shapes and sizes of dogs and people. The atmosphere was wonderful, with everyone helpful and focused on the fun element, rather than the competitive edge.

The distance was 5k and I ran with my old dog Cassie [see picture] - who is almost 12. She is fit as a flea and, despite never having done it before, she ran ahead of me well. I didn't have the equipment so had to carry the lead, which made it a little harder to run. It took me 34 minutes, which was quite slow, although in my defence I have only been running for six weeks and had built up to running two miles, three times a week, so I had an extra mile to run.

My fiance also took part with my 3-year-old dog and he blasted home in 24 minutes. His core fitness is much more established than mine.

We were still talking about the experience days later. I can't quite explain what was so good about it, but I think in part it was the sense of working as a team with your dog. It felt good to be running along woodland trails, skirting round the deep mud and on tracks. My dog and I guided each other as best we could, each checking how the other was doing from time to time. This teamwork was practically wordless, apart from a bit of encouragement, but it worked so beautifully. Now hooked, we plan to attend all events except one at Northumberland.

The experience made me think about how much we rely on creating teams by using words when, if we tuned in to each others strengths and weaknesses, we could be much more effective. Teamwork, when operating in perfect symmetry is an incredible process.

Still high from the experience and now running 3.5 miles on my runs, instead of 2, I am preparing for the next event at the end of March.

What sport motivates and inspires you in this way?

Jan Barley
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

Jan's Podcast

Do you make assumptions?

Yesterday I received an email from an ex student. She was upset that I hadn't replied to her email a few weeks back. She expressed all the things that she had done for me in the past, and how upset she was that I had 'cast her aside'.

The truth is I had been delighted to hear from her, and had joyfully emailed her back the same day.

Asumptions can be the death of relationships. We assume how someone else is feeling or thinking by a look, a gesture or a word, and the truth is we are often wrong. In the workplace this can create a high degree of conflict.

These days I try not to assume anything. It's tough because our brain thinks it knows better than we do, and it beavers away stacking up your thoughts and emotions like a squirrel storing winter nuts.

I have learned that it is better to clarify than assume. If someone says or does something that you don't like, ask them to expand. Doing this takes away the myriad of thoughts that you might mull over for the next few hours or days, wondering what the person REALLY meant, and how you could have dealt with it, and how you might deal with it in the future.

Cut to the chase, don't make assumptions and find out the facts {from the person involved - not third party or hearsay} before you start reacting emotionally.

What are your experiences on this? Be great to hear them.

Have a good day

Jan

Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Identity - what is it exactly?

Who are you? Or rather who are you behind the labels that currently formulate your identity in the world? Coach, Wife, Accountant, mother, husband? ...the list could be very long.

Just for a moment, I want you to imagine that you have no titles at all. If you were none of those things how would you measure who you are?

If the structure of society fell apart where would that leave you? No computers, no telephones, no gadgets, no money, no jobs! Scary thought! How then, would you define yourself?

I am asking a lot of questions, but I want you to think carefully about them. Because your true identity has nothing to do with what you do in life, and it is because most people think it is that they have problems finding peace with themselves.

You have to get to the core of being good enough with the bare bones of who you are, before you can start hiding behind labels. Knowing yourself is the key to 'happiness' or, at the very least, fulfillment.

I have worked with many clients that lacked confidence. They tell me that they don't understand why they are loved, because they do not see the good in themselves. They worry about people discovering that they are a phoney!

So ask yourself right now, if you were not defined by your job or your family 'position' would you be good enough? Strip down to the core layers and there is nothing left but to be ok with who you are, because there is nothing left to prove. You live, you breath, you feel. This is what people love or like about you. It's an almost indefinable thing that simply exists for all of us.

How do you feel about this? Do you have a story to share with us?

Think on

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

PODCAST: http://womenssuccesscoach.podbean.com/

Thinking with the heart

What a great morning! The sun is shining, the snow is melting and at last the horses have grass! We have gone from snowy blizzards to 10 degree sunshine - it has to be England doesn't it.

Yesterday I had a long conversation about how you work out what you want in life. It always amazes me how many people don't have much idea of what they truly want. I have a theory, and I base it on my own experience on this subject.

My theory is that we start off - maybe when we are younger and haven't yet been prodded by life quite so much - knowing exactly what we want. For me, right from as far back as I can remember, it was a farm, with land and equestrian facilities. Somewhere along the line my dream became smaller, and one day I admitted that I didn't feel that I had a hope of achieving it. At the time, I was struggling to pay the bills, unsure of what to do next and a bit lost on my path.

So I think that what happens is that 'life' kind of takes the hope and optimism out of our dreams and, when that occurs, we lose sight of our dreams and then wonder why we don't know what we want any more.

Just imagine you are in a restaurant and absolutely want chocolate cake. You know the chocolate cake is on the menu, it's been there for years, you have it everytime you eat here. But this day, the waiter says, 'sorry madam, we have don't have chocolate cake on the menu anymore'. Shocked and mortified, you look at the dessert menu and, to be honest, there is nothing else on the menu that you want. So how can you be expected to know what you want, when what you desire isn't there? Does that make sense?

If you have taken your dream off the menu, you will spend the rest of your life 'settling' for things that perhaps don't truly resonate with you. Then you feel lost, confused and unsettled.

So what am I saying?
What I am saying is this 'don't give up your dream'. The universe has a way of making things happen, even if right now it looks like a total impossibility. I still can't afford my farm, but I have latched on to my dream again. Because what happens next is that you start to do the things that will attract the opportunities, or people, that will take you closer to your dream. But you have to believe it with all of your heart.

About the heart
I watched a programme at the weekend, about people that had received a heart transplant. They were saying that they seemed to have taken on some of the characteristics of the heart donar. It was amazing to hear their stories. One man had suddenly taken up sports - some high risk - and it turned out his donar was a stuntman. One man had become romantic and started writing poetry, and his donar was a poet. They didn't know these facts until they met the donar families.

Because of these astounding cases, scientists were toying with the idea that, contrary to belief, our emotions are not all stored in our brains, in fact they may be linked with our hearts. If this is true, then what I am saying makes total sense. Think with your heart. Love with your heart. Create with your heart. All of this brain stuff doesn't seem to get us very far half the time anyway, so why not give it a try?

Do you think with your heart or your head, or a balance of the two? Do share your thoughts and experiences here with us.

Take care

Jan

Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Snow way!

What an odd time it has been. Ten days of deep snow and now treacherous icy roads this morning. For me, it has created a massive amount of extra work looking after the horses, making sure that they have enough hay to eat, as they can't get to the grass through the knee high snow in their fields.

The strange thing is that only a week before the snow, I had been 'complaining' [whinging] of how much work the horses were, and 'moaning' [looking for as much sympathy as I could get] that I was exhausted from the daily drudge of simply caring for their needs. Now, I would kill to be able to walk on solid ground. Last night, I found a 20' strip of grass during my walk. It was like moon walking. I felt light and without gravity. It felt almost magical, after such a long period of walking like a moron, pulling my heavy legs up like corks out of a bottle as I battled through fresh snow dressed like a Yettie. How much I will appreciate the solid earth when the snow has gone.

The dogs love it, but their daily walk has become my new fitness regime. Normally I run 3 - 4 times a week. Now I snow walk. My hips ache, my calves ache, my thighs ache - need I go on [oh dear, am I looking for sympathy again?]. It takes me 2 hours to walk a 1 hour walk, and I crawl back into the house like a lost wanderer returning from an arctic trip! and desperately seeking chocolate when there is none in the house!

One thing for sure is that I wont be moving to Norway any time soon!

Yesterday I managed to get out in the car [hooray] for the first time for over a week. It took a rusty old shovel, buckets of willpower and sheer determination, but it was good to be with people again and be out of my normal environment. It lifted my spirits and raised my motivation levels.

They say a change is as good as a rest, and this week surely confirms that for me. Doing the same - or similar - things day in a day out, and with little human interaction, can be soul destroying.

Change is necessary, sometimes even if it only serves to make us appreciate what we have. When the snow goes I might just run naked round the garden to celebrate - or maybe not, but I sure will take the time to enjoy how wonderful it is to be able to move [whilst I still can!]

What were your experiences with the snow?

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Reality Check

I am sitting here writing this in front of a log fire, tucked up on the settee with two curled up sleeping dogs and with my laptop on my knees. As I look out into the garden, it is a shock every time to see two feet of glaringly white snow staring back at me.

It's been a strange week. We woke to heavy snow on Monday morning, and I haven't been out in the world at all. My days have consisted of looking after the horses - much more work in this weather as they need extra food and care - compiling audio on my web sites and creating podcasts, as well as my day to day writing. I am currently rewriting 'Life Coach in your pocket' so that I can build the programme into a CD package. Exciting! But hard work!

I usually work freelance for a client on a Tuesday, but couldn't go this week because of the weather . It would have been madness to try! At first he was ok about me not going, but last night he called me at 9:30pm, panicking because I hadn't been able to get there, not quite believing how bad it is in our village, which is on top of a big hill. Its a 9 mile cross country route and would be suicide for me to attempt it. I don't even think I would get the car off the slope on the drive at this point.

I realised how easy I personally had found it to had let go of what I thought I HAD to do this week, and how wonderful it was to just go with the flow of things, adapting to the circumstances.

Yesterday [Thursday] I took a day off. I had worked at the weekend and felt utterly exhausted by my absolute focus on my project. I took the dogs for a two hour walk, drank tea, ate toast and watched TV. Wow, did I feel better the next day!

It reminds me how our brains are hard wired to live within a routine, and how people can become increasingly worried or frustrated when their plans are thwarted.

Is anything that important that it can't be changed? It is fun to challenge the way that your brain works, by just refusing to go along with what it normally expects of you. The brain can be quite parental sometimes, and so how cool is it to just be a kid and play the rebellious teenager.

So, if you are snowed in and can't do what you planned to do, make a decision to enjoy what you can do, even if that is just having a cuddle with the cat. Time out is good for the body and soul, and a refreshed mind works so much better.

Take care and look to the spring!

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk
/http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST