Painful reminder of creating good stuff!

On Saturday I got roped in to doing a [mostly] off road 30 mile mountain bike ride. I naively expected a fun ride. Ah ha!! After taking almost six hours to climb a gut wrenching back breaking 7200 feet, through slippery mud and narrow cobbled tracks, tackling unexpectedly difficult technical downhill aspects of the ride, I finally got to the finish line.

It wasn't quite as simple as that. Halfway through the ride my fiance came off and got a bad dose of road rash on his hip. I suspect he was doing somewhere between 30 - 40mph at the time [nutter!], when he hit a sludgy wet bit on the road. He survived. However, his 8" square wound was dirty and full of gravel. As we were coming in to a small village, we knocked on someones door and asked for help. Long stort short, but eventually an old man and two retired doctors patched him up. This in itself was to me a wonderful reminder of how - when the chips are down - another human being can happily come to our aid.

Around twenty miles in, I hit a stone and was unceremoniously bucked off into a nice deep bed of stingers. It was soft at least and, at the time, I had no idea of how much I should have appreciated that.

Six miles from the end I was consulting with God for it please to be all over. I felt a little bit off with the fairies, as I shot down another long hill on the road to suddenly see a white faced fiance staring up at me as I ploughed into him as he waited at a corner. Once again I ungracefully, but somewhat spectacularly flew over both bikes and landing heavily on my shoulder. A man mowing his lawn, on a ride on mower, casually stopped it and mumbed something, which to me sounded like 'are you dead?'. Yep as I said, fairyland was not too far away.

When we got back to base almost everyone, except the organisers, had gone home. We laughingly told them our story as I clutched my shoulder and gobbled down chilly con carne, pleasantly supplied by the kitchen staff. After a few minutes one man came out and handed me a package, saying that he wanted me to have it. It was a £40.00 Gore cycling top. Now the odd thing about all of this is that at the beginning of the day I had picked up this exact top in the exact size and tried it against me. I had thought to myself that I really liked it, but I only had £10.00 on me. Isn't that weird?

For years I have been trying to perfect the art of creating what I wanted, and suddenly I got it. For me, it's obviously more about a feeling than an intention or a request. I have been practicing for three days and so far it seems to be working. For instance, even after X-rays telling me that nothing was broken, my shoulder was still excrutiatingly painful. On Tuesday I had a 50 mile training ride planned with my cycling buddy and I didn't want to miss out. I had called her on Monday morning to say I wouldn't be going. But during the afternoon I 'told' my shoulder that it was time it got better! Suffice to say that I did my ride yesterday and in super fast speed, knocking a minute a mile off our best time. My shoulder did not hurt at all during the ride. Bit sore now though :-)

It's all a bit weirdy woo, but hey if it works I am all for it right!

Feeding the soul

For many years I have struggled with not knowing what it was that I wanted to do, or be. I have tried or trained in many things and found a sense of nothingness. Despite trying to be passionate it just wasn't happening. I know from experience that so many people feel this way, but have no idea what to do about it.

When my dad died in June 2008, from cancer, I metaphorically left town. Although I appeared to be fine to the outside world, I felt as if I had been thrown over the side of a ship and didn't know which way to swim for home. In short I handed over my future to nothingness. I stopped trying to guide it. I gave up trying to impact it. I stopped looking. It was sometimes scary and sometimes peaceful. It didn't really matter.

Last week I went on a weeks training course to become a Lebed method - dance & movement instructor. I have no idea how I got to be there. I don't remember how the course found me, but it did and something inside of me said 'go for it'.

That week opened up my life in a way that I cannot recall before. I had no idea that dance & movement could make me feel so happy and fulfilled. Each day we practiced the different moves and dances and it got better and better. My terribly stiff neck, back, shoulders and hips disappeared. My movements became more fluid. I became playful and joyous and people responded to my 'energy' In honesty, I don't really think I had felt this way since I was a small child! Oh my god how scary is that? How many people lose their joy and NEVER discover it?

Lebed is a method of movement and dance created by by Shelley Lebed Davis and her two brothers, after their mother was diagnosed with cancer. Shelley was a classical dancer and together with her two doctor brothers they came up with a dance & movement routine that simulated physiotherapy movements, but put together to music and with some creativity in the dance segments.

The opening 15 minutes stimulates the lymph glands to open, helping the lymph fluid to start moving through the lymphatic system. This can help to reduce swelling associated with lymphoedema, and encourage the body to regain full movement, something that can be almost impossible, especially after mastectomy and reconstruction. The movements are slow and rhythmic and beautiful to do.

This first fifteen minutes of the programme will be promoted as a programme to corporate clients. It helps to dissolve stiffness and tension from the body and increases a sense of well being and connection. These, I believe are pre-requisite for a good working life - having suffered from the aches and pains associated with sitting on a PC all day.

It is a fully published and medically recognised programme, operating in over 700 hospitals throughout the world.

My passion for the horse programme has reignited and next year I plan to start afresh, predominantly with a women's programme. My friend Yvette - who I met when she attended the first ever equine workshop that I ran - also trained with me, and we plan to offer women's retreats next year - a combination of Lebed, belly dancing, meditation, open discussion, laughter therapy and whatever else is right at the time.

I can't tell you how to discover your passion. All I know is that - in my working life - I was dead all the way through like a stick of rock. I think that the best thing to do is to give up, let go and hand it over to your soul, your higher self, god or whatever your belief is. It took around nine months for me to discover my passion and that was well worth the sense of loss and isolation I experienced. I believe that we all tend to move away from discomfort too quickly. It is a guide after all, and if we sit in the 'pain' eventually we come out the other side with renewed vigour and with a lightness of our souls.

On the phone

Despite being on the preferential phone list, some sales calls do occasionally manage to get through. And there is one thing that both annoys and amazes me. That is the fact that the sales person launches straight into their spiel, without asking me if it is a good time for me to talk.

I am quite often in the middle of putting orders together for my online shop, or working on html documents for a web site, and it takes a few moments for me to rearrange my brain, in order to be able to listen to another person. Good manners cost nothing and yet reap great rewards, not least of all harmonious relationships.

I am appalled that the callers are part of a 'training system' that does not teach them the basic rudiments of a sales call, which is that we must treat the customers' time as precious. To be honest, during my five years in internal sales and fifteen years in the field, no one actually taught me this. I was trained to sell, not to be polite and respectful of the customers time.

I listened and observed and worked out what was important to people, and I waited patiently until they were ready to move to the next step. In all my years as sales, there was only one company that allowed me total autonomy. All the other companies said that I spent too much time with my accounts, and didn't do enough calls. Number crunching! That isn't the way to success. Building relationships is what does it.

The company that allowed me free rein had six accounts when I started, and within six months I had seventy buoyant accounts, in a difficult market which was architectural hardware.

In all of the companies I worked for, I gained accounts that no other sales people had managed to secure in the past. Why? I don't think I was superb 'salesman' but I simply worked on understanding people. I once asked one of my top customers why he chose to give me his business, and he told me it was because I was different. He said I didn't act like a sales representative, and I treated him like a human being. He gave me a massive amount of business, and point blank refused to deal with any other sales person when I left the company.

At the end of the day, customers are human beings. Just like you they have bad days and good days. They have personal problems, money worries, fears of losing their jobs or their businesses. How much do you really think they want to listen to you banging on about the next super product that is going to change their lives? Not much.

But listen to them, ask them questions, respect and honour who they are and the loyalty you receive will be second to none.

So next time you go to make that call, just think about this and approach your prospective customer as someone that really wants the equivilant of a phone hug, rather than a phone bashing!

Take care

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

Busy or not?

Sometimes days go by and I don't speak to a soul. I need this quiet time. The world today seems like such a busy place. Have you noticed that other people ask you, 'are you busy?' When you answer that you are, they usually say, 'good!'. But what is so great about being busy?

I spent many years being busy, but in truth I got little done - not really. I felt stressed and confused as I tried to convince myself that the busier I was, the more likely I was to succeed. Then I realised that this isn't actually the case, and that I wanted a life where I can choose to be busy, or choose to lie in the garden watching the birds - if that's what I wanted.

It wasn't easy to change, and there are still some days I catch myself being too busy. But now, on a day to day basis I mostly choose what to do. The first two days of this week I was flat out, so this morning I decided to go for my five mile run. It was tough, as it usually is, compounded by my legs aching from a 35 mile fast bike ride at the weekend. But I came home, had breakfast and shower and a cuppa and then decided yeah OK, maybe I can do some work now.

My creativity was enhanced. I was able to make quick decisions on a current project and I handed over some work that I was finding time consuming and fiddly. The fact is that when we are too busy, we don't have a lot of room for creativity. Those creative moments can be the difference between a life fulfilled or a life overshadowed by stress.

Which would you choose?

Take care

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

Is it me? Oh god I am talking politics!

Did I hear right on the radio news this morning? Has Gordon Brown suggested that the recession is on its way to recovery?

Sadly, I couldn't find a picture of a flying pig, so had to make do with a tiny pocket sized pig in which to put your savings! Savings? Ha!

Now I am not one for discussing politics, and I am most definitely not one for negative expression, but just lately I have begun to wonder about the sanity of our government.

I agree with the principle that businesses, newly streamlined and more customer focused, may well do better than they did before - maybe. But, really come on guys, we can't just bounce out of a crippling recession like a big black Labrador wagging a wet tail! The very idea is madness.

We crawl out of the big black hole of a recession by hooking a tired finger onto a raggedy bit of chewed up blanket tied to a precarious rock. We bite our worn out old teeth into new projects and refuse to let go, or give up no matter what. We stand unclothed, with nothing but a large medieval sword at our side and challenge 'the world' to just try and knock us down.

Yes, I for one am thinking in a more enterprising way. I have restructured and am retraining in other areas to work towards a recession proof business of the future, but that is naff all to do with GB's input, in fact it is possibly in spite of it.

We have to become enterprising, ingenious and look for opportunities. But when they do, it doesn't mean the recession is over. It just means we are tough enough to deal with it in our own way.

It makes my blood boil when idiots running the government tell us, the people in the 'eye of the storm' so to speak, what is happening out here! Are these drongos encased in some sort of bullet proof purple floaty bubble and only watch loony toons on TV?

So, is it me, or does anyone else running a small business out there feel the same?

Grrh

Jan

New life on a Saturday morning

What a wonderful start to my day! Whilst out in the field this morning I heard a cow making a horrible noise. I thought she was dying, so stopped to watch and listen to see what was happening. I saw her straining, and wondered if she was in calf. The farmer usually keeps them in the barn when they are due to calf, so this was unusual. Anyhow, very soon I saw a calf being pushed from her and relaxed.

But all was not well. The calf was stuck mid section. The heifer was walking around in small circles and had given up pushing {This was 10am and I learned later that she had been struggling since 5:30am}

Telling the dogs to wait, I hopped over the fence and walked over. The calf looked dead. Talking quietly to mum, I told her that I had come to help, I pulled the birth sac off the calf, and cleared the mucus from his nose. His eyes blinked. Hooray, he was alive. I grabbed his wet slippery legs and tried pulling. Nothing. He wasn't going to budge. I had two dog leads in my pocket, so I tied one to his legs and pulled. Nothing. I wrapped it round my waist and pulled. Nothing.

I pulled and pulled but he didn't shift. I removed the rope and wondered about going for help. No. I decided to have one more go. Tying the rope back round his legs, I pulled again. This time I was sure he had moved a little. I pulled again. Plop! Out he came. I cleared his nose again and his mum turned and started licking away the afterbirth. I moved back and watched to see that they were both ok.

What an incredible moment. I felt so grateful.

Ten minutes later I spotted Roger - the farm labourer - in the tractor, driving into the yard. I went and told him what had happened. He said that the heifer was a 'right nasty old bitch', but I was surprised at this as she had been relaxed and calm with me, even when I didn't go away once the baby was born. I believe that when we don't have a history about others our approach is unbiased and so we often get a better response.

I walked back to watch them both, amused to see baby struggling to get to his feet. Falling, time after time as mum increased her vigorous licking, he eventually managed to get up onto all fours. Mum tried to steer him to the teats. He licked on her hairy black chest. You could feel mum's frustration as he tried to suckle in so many different places. But eventually he got it.

A little wet calf on a cold windy morning, hands and coat covered in blood and mucus, but happy as a sand boy! Does it get any better than this?

Beliefs versus inspiration

For many years, I wrote a lot about beliefs. I figured that, to change our lives, all we had to do was change our beliefs. That's still kind of true for me, but over the last few weeks I have been having some different experiences, of the type that has made me question if we actually need beliefs at all.

Some of you that subscribe to my newsletters, know that I often tell stories about how my physical challenges appear to have a dramatic effect on my mental & emotional state. And, I think that my current state of mind has everything to do with my running programme.

I started running in January - for fun. As My fitness improved, I somehow found myself entering races. Having only ever run 3 miles during training, I entered a 10k race and did OK, running the whole way round and I wasn't last. Now, I wanted to stretch myself, and at the weekend admitted to my fiance that I am now considering entering a Marathon in 2010. Oh my god! Did I ever think I would ever have that thought! I thought marathon runners were either bonkers or extraordinary people. I know now that they are just like you and me.

A few weeks ago I developed a hatred for my computer. I spend far too long tapping away on here every day. That week I just couldn't do it. I run an online equestrian products business, and simply completed my orders and then spent the rest of the time appearing to do nothing. It's not as if I haven't done 'nothing' before, but this time I savoured it, I enjoyed every moment and there wasn't a shadow of guilt. It was truly wonderful.

That down time is so important, and I know that it is something that many people would never consider. During that period of reflection, I spent time sitting on my garden wall, watching the lambs and calves with their mums in the fields. The six premature lambs at the back of my house were getting stronger.

They had now formed a 'gang' as lambs inevitably do, and were charging up and down the field. They jumped over the small ditch, leaping in the air, kicking sideways, turning and doing it again. When they were tired they slumped down behind the wall, or collapsed next to mum. I thought to myself that animals are great teachers to show us how we could live, if we were not tied to tradition, money and societal pressures. I turned my thoughts to how I lived my life.

It was at that point that I decided to {try to} give up my beliefs. I stand by my values of honesty, integrity and truth but wanted to explore a life without beliefs. Instead, I decided to allow inspiration to guide me and just see where that went.

It's early days, but I can tell you that my life is moving in a different way. I am calmer, happier and enjoying the flow of seeing what comes next. I don't have an eye on the future anymore, I just enjoy 'right now'. Inspiration has led me to make contact with new people, seemingly out of the blue, and embrace new experiences {good or bad} with passion, playfulness and joy.

Just give it a try. Notice when your beliefs are driving you or limiting you. Once you become aware, then just take a deep breath and allow inspiration to guide you next. It might feel weird at first, but within a short time you will wonder why you never tried it before.

Take care

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

Stop making excuses

I once remember saying to someone close to me, 'when you die, I am going to put on your gravestone 'yeah but....'

This person had become afraid of life. By admission she said she felt caged in, trapped and unable to move. But, whatever suggestions anyone made, she could find an excuse for not doing it.

We can all find excuses, and utterly persuade ourselves that our excuses ARE 100% valid.

But what excuse are you going to come up with for wasting your life? That is not another persons judgement as to whether you are wasting your life, but rather your own. What are you not doing that you really want to do, but aren't for fear of consequences, fear of change or an inability to take action?

No one is going to come and do it for you after all. If you decide to squander your hours wishing things were different, but doing nothing, don't expect any sympathy from those around you.

A friend told me a story about when his dad was in hospital dying. Just before he went down to surgery {from which he never recovered} his father grabbed his hand, and implored him, 'son, I have wasted every single minute of my life. I haven't done one good thing, but worse I haven't done all the things I wanted to do, and it's too late now. Don't waste your life like I have.'

You think you may have 70 plus years on this earth and you become complacent - do it tomorrow, or the next day or never! Do it now. Pick up the reins of your life and play an active part in your destiny. When you are old, crippled, insane and in a wheelchair, you will have bucketloads of memories to play with.

Do it now - whatever it is that you want to do - no excuses!

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

Going with the flow

Yesterday I had an ex student call me up. She is a wonderful girl, and it was great to hear from her. She is a student from my healing horses teaching days. I don't do this any longer, it just seemed the right time to stop a few years back.

She called to ask me a few questions about her current journey. She was being guided to start an animal practice, and wanted my insights. I gave them gladly. What followed was an interesting conversation about going with the flow of life, and what happens when we resist.

I know about resisting. I had crawled along on broken glass with bleeding knees, for the best part of my life doing it. I could lecture in resisting, maybe get a degree even. But that is the past. I thought, silly me, that I had stopped resisting, but it is not until something weird hits us that we think, 'what the heck, where is THIS going?'

I made some decisions lately, no, hang on, lets get this right, they weren't actual decisions. They were 100% gut instinct, intuition, subconscious brainwave activity maybe. No sir, they definitely had little to do with my conscious mind.

I took action, pretty massive action actually, and still, as I did it, wondered what I was doing. But, and here's the interesting thing, the response from a handful of people has been incredible. One lady said that she has never related to anything so much in her life. O'er, that's sounds good. Maybe, just maybe I am onto something radical here. Maybe, oh crikey, maybe I am on the right path for the success that eluded me all those years I fought like a caged tiger.

This letting go and going with the flow, it's easy to say isn't it. But it isn't so easy to do. I believe that this change has come about for me after years of meditating. I just changed around four weeks ago to Kelly Howell's brainwave technology http://www.brainsync.com/ and they certainly seemed to have kicked in some pretty amazing stuff.

I do go adrift don't I? What was I saying? Ah yes, stop resisting! Just give up. Hand it over to the universe, God, Great Spirit, your cat or whatever floats your boat. The minute I dropped the reins and said, 'it's a fair cop' the message came back, 'well it's about bloody time you stubborn woman!'

The only way to do it is to do it, and to do it daily. Every time you start 'plotting' and 'planning' your future, remind yourself to stay in the now, enjoy this very moment and live to be happy. Happiness is what we are all after in the end anyway, whether it is wrapped up in material objects, spirituality or relationships, it is ultimately what we all, as human beings, seek in this life.

Take care

Jan

Tel: 0800 634 3320

http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/

http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

Stepping up

For the last year I seem to have been on a journey of stepping up to the bar, doing things that I never thought I could do. Last year my greatest achievement was to complete a 60 mile bike ride for Against Breast Cancer.

On Sunday I did my first off road duathlon. It was a one mile run, a five mile bike ride followed by another one mile run. It was over rough woodland terrain and was hard as hell. When we started the run, it was agonising to watch all the younger fitter people hurtling off into the woods. But I knew, after only six week of running training, that I was not going to be up there with the front runners.

So I settled into a rhythm and padded round. 13 minutes later I was mounting up on my bike, expecting some relief from running and not actually getting it! The start was easy, all along flat polo grounds, and then along hardcore woodland tracks. But the last 11/2 miles was purgatory. The ride was mud, dirty, wet, deep and disgustingly sticky mud. Cycling was almost impossible. Getting off and walking the bike wasn't much easier, but most people had to resort to this in places.

At the end of five miles {39 minutes} I started off on my last run. Hello! Who has stolen my legs? I had little feeling below the waist, apart from the sensation of two extremely heavy dead weights attached to my hips. I trundled round, barely raising one foot in front of the other. Slugs laughed at me as I slithered and slid round the woods. But, eventually - 15 minutes later - I reached the finish line. People cheered and clapped, even though they didn't know me. They must have known how hard it was!

I finished 50 out of 56 women, but was one of the oldest in the group. Despite my low position, I was proud of myself. I had raised the bar and now can only get better.

It never fails to amaze me how my physical challenges always have an effect on me emotionally. I tackled the start of the week with some gusto, feeling better than ever and with a sense of certainty for the success of my new projects.

I don't think that we can ever underestimate how much our bodies influence our minds, and vice verse. Worth thinking about eh?

Jan

Tel: 0800 643 3320

http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

It can be another way

The human brain has an uncanny way of getting stuck. When we feel 'trapped' during an unpleasant situation or phase of our lives, our thoughts can become circular. After a period of time, which will be different for everyone, we give up on hope. We can't see another way of life and cannot believe that things can ever get better.

With those thoughts rattling around in our heads, for sure we may suffer a lot longer than we need to. But the only way to escape our hell is to head for heaven. We must believe 100% that we have the power to change our own experiences.

At first it's hard, nothing seems to change. Indeed, it may become worse for a while. That's a test. What are you made of? Are you going to give up just because it gets a bit tough?

Imagine if you came back from the supermarket with someone elses shopping. Inside the bag were sweet, fattening processed ready meals, crisps, chocolate, cakes and all the stuff to clog up your heart. This is not what you want. You are a healthy eater, your bag contained fruit and veg, salads and lots of other fresh foods and healthy snacks. What do you do? Do you accept this rubbish bag of food, or do you take it back to the supermarket and change it for what you want?

It's that easy, once you get your head around the concept. But our brains seek to make things more complicated, thus making it harder to change. And we are supposed to be one of the most intelligent lifeform. I am sure ants would get it a whole lot quicker than we do.

If you are finding it tough to change your mindset, I can recommend 'The Attraction Factor' by Joe Vitale. I am reading it for the third time as I am trying to create change in my life right now. Join me in this process of change, and let me know how you get along.

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk
www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk
www.helpforcancer.co.uk

Jan's Podcast

Running with dogs

I love it when I discover an aspect of life that inspires and motivates me, or when I undertake something that sparks my flame.

At the weekend, I took part in a cani-cross event. What an incredible experience. This is a sport where you run with your dog. You have a waist belt with attachment to a long lead with bungee, which clips to a special harness on your dog. The theory is that your dog then pulls you along. There were 200 dogs competing, quite a few people running with pairs of dogs - an array of all interesting shapes and sizes of dogs and people. The atmosphere was wonderful, with everyone helpful and focused on the fun element, rather than the competitive edge.

The distance was 5k and I ran with my old dog Cassie [see picture] - who is almost 12. She is fit as a flea and, despite never having done it before, she ran ahead of me well. I didn't have the equipment so had to carry the lead, which made it a little harder to run. It took me 34 minutes, which was quite slow, although in my defence I have only been running for six weeks and had built up to running two miles, three times a week, so I had an extra mile to run.

My fiance also took part with my 3-year-old dog and he blasted home in 24 minutes. His core fitness is much more established than mine.

We were still talking about the experience days later. I can't quite explain what was so good about it, but I think in part it was the sense of working as a team with your dog. It felt good to be running along woodland trails, skirting round the deep mud and on tracks. My dog and I guided each other as best we could, each checking how the other was doing from time to time. This teamwork was practically wordless, apart from a bit of encouragement, but it worked so beautifully. Now hooked, we plan to attend all events except one at Northumberland.

The experience made me think about how much we rely on creating teams by using words when, if we tuned in to each others strengths and weaknesses, we could be much more effective. Teamwork, when operating in perfect symmetry is an incredible process.

Still high from the experience and now running 3.5 miles on my runs, instead of 2, I am preparing for the next event at the end of March.

What sport motivates and inspires you in this way?

Jan Barley
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

Jan's Podcast

Do you make assumptions?

Yesterday I received an email from an ex student. She was upset that I hadn't replied to her email a few weeks back. She expressed all the things that she had done for me in the past, and how upset she was that I had 'cast her aside'.

The truth is I had been delighted to hear from her, and had joyfully emailed her back the same day.

Asumptions can be the death of relationships. We assume how someone else is feeling or thinking by a look, a gesture or a word, and the truth is we are often wrong. In the workplace this can create a high degree of conflict.

These days I try not to assume anything. It's tough because our brain thinks it knows better than we do, and it beavers away stacking up your thoughts and emotions like a squirrel storing winter nuts.

I have learned that it is better to clarify than assume. If someone says or does something that you don't like, ask them to expand. Doing this takes away the myriad of thoughts that you might mull over for the next few hours or days, wondering what the person REALLY meant, and how you could have dealt with it, and how you might deal with it in the future.

Cut to the chase, don't make assumptions and find out the facts {from the person involved - not third party or hearsay} before you start reacting emotionally.

What are your experiences on this? Be great to hear them.

Have a good day

Jan

Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Identity - what is it exactly?

Who are you? Or rather who are you behind the labels that currently formulate your identity in the world? Coach, Wife, Accountant, mother, husband? ...the list could be very long.

Just for a moment, I want you to imagine that you have no titles at all. If you were none of those things how would you measure who you are?

If the structure of society fell apart where would that leave you? No computers, no telephones, no gadgets, no money, no jobs! Scary thought! How then, would you define yourself?

I am asking a lot of questions, but I want you to think carefully about them. Because your true identity has nothing to do with what you do in life, and it is because most people think it is that they have problems finding peace with themselves.

You have to get to the core of being good enough with the bare bones of who you are, before you can start hiding behind labels. Knowing yourself is the key to 'happiness' or, at the very least, fulfillment.

I have worked with many clients that lacked confidence. They tell me that they don't understand why they are loved, because they do not see the good in themselves. They worry about people discovering that they are a phoney!

So ask yourself right now, if you were not defined by your job or your family 'position' would you be good enough? Strip down to the core layers and there is nothing left but to be ok with who you are, because there is nothing left to prove. You live, you breath, you feel. This is what people love or like about you. It's an almost indefinable thing that simply exists for all of us.

How do you feel about this? Do you have a story to share with us?

Think on

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

PODCAST: http://womenssuccesscoach.podbean.com/

Thinking with the heart

What a great morning! The sun is shining, the snow is melting and at last the horses have grass! We have gone from snowy blizzards to 10 degree sunshine - it has to be England doesn't it.

Yesterday I had a long conversation about how you work out what you want in life. It always amazes me how many people don't have much idea of what they truly want. I have a theory, and I base it on my own experience on this subject.

My theory is that we start off - maybe when we are younger and haven't yet been prodded by life quite so much - knowing exactly what we want. For me, right from as far back as I can remember, it was a farm, with land and equestrian facilities. Somewhere along the line my dream became smaller, and one day I admitted that I didn't feel that I had a hope of achieving it. At the time, I was struggling to pay the bills, unsure of what to do next and a bit lost on my path.

So I think that what happens is that 'life' kind of takes the hope and optimism out of our dreams and, when that occurs, we lose sight of our dreams and then wonder why we don't know what we want any more.

Just imagine you are in a restaurant and absolutely want chocolate cake. You know the chocolate cake is on the menu, it's been there for years, you have it everytime you eat here. But this day, the waiter says, 'sorry madam, we have don't have chocolate cake on the menu anymore'. Shocked and mortified, you look at the dessert menu and, to be honest, there is nothing else on the menu that you want. So how can you be expected to know what you want, when what you desire isn't there? Does that make sense?

If you have taken your dream off the menu, you will spend the rest of your life 'settling' for things that perhaps don't truly resonate with you. Then you feel lost, confused and unsettled.

So what am I saying?
What I am saying is this 'don't give up your dream'. The universe has a way of making things happen, even if right now it looks like a total impossibility. I still can't afford my farm, but I have latched on to my dream again. Because what happens next is that you start to do the things that will attract the opportunities, or people, that will take you closer to your dream. But you have to believe it with all of your heart.

About the heart
I watched a programme at the weekend, about people that had received a heart transplant. They were saying that they seemed to have taken on some of the characteristics of the heart donar. It was amazing to hear their stories. One man had suddenly taken up sports - some high risk - and it turned out his donar was a stuntman. One man had become romantic and started writing poetry, and his donar was a poet. They didn't know these facts until they met the donar families.

Because of these astounding cases, scientists were toying with the idea that, contrary to belief, our emotions are not all stored in our brains, in fact they may be linked with our hearts. If this is true, then what I am saying makes total sense. Think with your heart. Love with your heart. Create with your heart. All of this brain stuff doesn't seem to get us very far half the time anyway, so why not give it a try?

Do you think with your heart or your head, or a balance of the two? Do share your thoughts and experiences here with us.

Take care

Jan

Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/

http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Snow way!

What an odd time it has been. Ten days of deep snow and now treacherous icy roads this morning. For me, it has created a massive amount of extra work looking after the horses, making sure that they have enough hay to eat, as they can't get to the grass through the knee high snow in their fields.

The strange thing is that only a week before the snow, I had been 'complaining' [whinging] of how much work the horses were, and 'moaning' [looking for as much sympathy as I could get] that I was exhausted from the daily drudge of simply caring for their needs. Now, I would kill to be able to walk on solid ground. Last night, I found a 20' strip of grass during my walk. It was like moon walking. I felt light and without gravity. It felt almost magical, after such a long period of walking like a moron, pulling my heavy legs up like corks out of a bottle as I battled through fresh snow dressed like a Yettie. How much I will appreciate the solid earth when the snow has gone.

The dogs love it, but their daily walk has become my new fitness regime. Normally I run 3 - 4 times a week. Now I snow walk. My hips ache, my calves ache, my thighs ache - need I go on [oh dear, am I looking for sympathy again?]. It takes me 2 hours to walk a 1 hour walk, and I crawl back into the house like a lost wanderer returning from an arctic trip! and desperately seeking chocolate when there is none in the house!

One thing for sure is that I wont be moving to Norway any time soon!

Yesterday I managed to get out in the car [hooray] for the first time for over a week. It took a rusty old shovel, buckets of willpower and sheer determination, but it was good to be with people again and be out of my normal environment. It lifted my spirits and raised my motivation levels.

They say a change is as good as a rest, and this week surely confirms that for me. Doing the same - or similar - things day in a day out, and with little human interaction, can be soul destroying.

Change is necessary, sometimes even if it only serves to make us appreciate what we have. When the snow goes I might just run naked round the garden to celebrate - or maybe not, but I sure will take the time to enjoy how wonderful it is to be able to move [whilst I still can!]

What were your experiences with the snow?

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Reality Check

I am sitting here writing this in front of a log fire, tucked up on the settee with two curled up sleeping dogs and with my laptop on my knees. As I look out into the garden, it is a shock every time to see two feet of glaringly white snow staring back at me.

It's been a strange week. We woke to heavy snow on Monday morning, and I haven't been out in the world at all. My days have consisted of looking after the horses - much more work in this weather as they need extra food and care - compiling audio on my web sites and creating podcasts, as well as my day to day writing. I am currently rewriting 'Life Coach in your pocket' so that I can build the programme into a CD package. Exciting! But hard work!

I usually work freelance for a client on a Tuesday, but couldn't go this week because of the weather . It would have been madness to try! At first he was ok about me not going, but last night he called me at 9:30pm, panicking because I hadn't been able to get there, not quite believing how bad it is in our village, which is on top of a big hill. Its a 9 mile cross country route and would be suicide for me to attempt it. I don't even think I would get the car off the slope on the drive at this point.

I realised how easy I personally had found it to had let go of what I thought I HAD to do this week, and how wonderful it was to just go with the flow of things, adapting to the circumstances.

Yesterday [Thursday] I took a day off. I had worked at the weekend and felt utterly exhausted by my absolute focus on my project. I took the dogs for a two hour walk, drank tea, ate toast and watched TV. Wow, did I feel better the next day!

It reminds me how our brains are hard wired to live within a routine, and how people can become increasingly worried or frustrated when their plans are thwarted.

Is anything that important that it can't be changed? It is fun to challenge the way that your brain works, by just refusing to go along with what it normally expects of you. The brain can be quite parental sometimes, and so how cool is it to just be a kid and play the rebellious teenager.

So, if you are snowed in and can't do what you planned to do, make a decision to enjoy what you can do, even if that is just having a cuddle with the cat. Time out is good for the body and soul, and a refreshed mind works so much better.

Take care and look to the spring!

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk
/http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

One step at a time

A few weeks ago, after hurting my arm - suspected torn ligaments - floor wrestling a 15 stone hulk during combat training - I couldn't do my weekly Aikido training, nor could I cycle my 2 hour 30 mile slog on a Saturday morning with Cheltenham County Cycling Club. So I decided to take up running to maintain and possibly increase my fitness.

I tried running a few years back but had problems with my ankle, and I wasn't very good at it. But, this time something had changed. At first I didn't recognise what that something was, as I shuffled up the road, puffing and pushing my resistant legs.

Two nights ago I managed to break my pattern of walk - run - walk and ran the whole 2 miles, which is no mean feat as it is a long 3/4 mile slog up a stiff hill out of the village. My beautiful dog Ellie running by my side, the Ipod pounding the right rhythmic beats into my brain, I began to feel as if running was becoming a moving meditation.

When you decide to step up, it is normal to encounter some resistant. The urge to stop was soooo strong. Hastily flicking on to my most motivational tracks on the ipod, I started talking to myself. Soon I was repeating a mantra.....

'step by step, one foot in front of the other - if I can do this step I can do the next step'

I kept repeating it, and soon I was flying down the hill towards home. Ellie galloped alongside me, her ears flapping in the wind. It felt good. As I zoomed into the gate, I hit my stop watch and was astonished to see I had beaten my best time by two minutes. Doesn't sound a lot, but it is.

That evening I thought about my mantra as a metaphor for business. Isn't this the thing we have to do in our businesses? No matter whether you are a sole trader or a huge corporation you can only move 'step by step' - Businesses grow from applying well considered strategies, creative thinking and by taking massive action 'One foot in front of the other'

We all need support along the way. I count myself to be very lucky on that score, but we have to build our foundations with the bricks and mortar of our own self beliefs. No one can do it for us - 'If I can do this step, I can do the next step'.

Over the last few days, I have seen opportunities that I think I maybe wouldn't have seen before, been given some tools for growth and feel more excited and motivated than I have so far this year. Just from that one mantra!

Life is about capturing important moments, seizing the meaning behind the apparently nondescript events.

Look out for great opportunities waiting just round the corner for you and tell us about your successes.

Take care

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Ending the drama

I think it was Shakespeare that said, 'All the worlds a stage and all the people are actors upon it', or words to that effect. After some years of daily meditation, I am beginning to understand the concept of this. Everyone is in the drama at some stage - if not all - of their lives.

I am a great fan of 'Scrubs', which is a comedy based in a hospital, currently on E4. In one episode Doctor Cox said 'Even though we are helping these people to get well, we are just delaying the end of the story, which is death' or words to that effect. It is the one great universal truth. We are all at some point going to die. And yet we continue day by day to play the drama.

We play the emotional role, swinging from one emotional state to another; joy to depression, anger to harmony and happiness to misery. None of it makes any sense! Then we play the career drama and the success drama, where we all struggle and strive to be better than we are [right now] so we can earn more money, get a better style of life, be free and live the way we want. But none of that is real anyway, because it is only money that makes this 'game' possible. If we lived in caves and hunted large hairy animals every day, we would only need to think about getting the next meal - and that would be it.

How much more simple would that be? Did prehistoric man have problems with confidence and self esteem, or is this only the drama born out of modern society? I suspect that prehistoric man just got on with things and didn't worry about what others thought of him.

You don't have to be a part of the drama of life. It is your choice as to whether you play the 'game' or not. Most people live a pretty boring life, and the drama is a cheap option for sparking it up a bit.

But as one moves towards enlightenment, one realises that happiness really does come from within and is enhanced by the simpleness of life. I find joy in watching spring lambs and new born calves boinging around the fields. We have snowdrops in the village today. How wonderful is that? Spring is so close, you can almost smell it and the birds sound different. Wonder if they get S.A.D?

Next time you are about to lose the plot, become upset, uptight, stressed or worried just think to yourself that this drama is all inside your head. You can make a definitive choice not to experience this in the same way, and just by making that choice you will not have to play a part in it. I can tell you that it is liberating, it's fun and it prevents a whole lot of unnecessary heartache.

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST

Gaining Focus

For many years, keeping my focus was an area where I lacked commitment. Experts tell us that we must set goals if we want to 'succeed'.

This was something I resisted for a LONG time, and I am so not alone!

During the downtime at Christmas I decided to sit down and work out what direction I wanted to take for 2009.

2008 had been a tough year, what with losing my dad to cancer, and struggling with a sick horse for three months. I knew that I had far too many balls up in the air and that if I didn't drop some of them I was in danger of severe burn out!

I decided that I wanted to work smarter. Focusing on creating a way of generating income from the things that I was really good at, I wanted to spend less time and effort driving the momentum to create these things.

What happened surprised me!

I qualified as a Life Coach in 2004, but never quite found the fulfillment and vision of success that I imagined. Why? BecauseI had not got clear about what it was that I wanted, and also what I didn't want.

Several things came out of it: -

• I wanted to specialise in one area of expertise


• I prefer face to face coaching, rather than telephone coaching


• I love working with the horses to help people effect change


• I wanted to specialise with women in business


• I was keen to start a womens success coaching group


• I had more influence than I believed I had


• and much more

My point is, how many things are you doing that are:-

1. Wasting your time


2. Not fulfilling you


3. Not rewarding you financially


4. Not necessary


5. Possible to be outsourced to someone else


6. Draining the life from you!

Also, what things are you NOT doing that: -

1. Could dramatically increase your income


2. Transpose time for money scenarios


3. Would create passion, momentum & enthusiasm


4. Could increase your confidence & self esteem


5. Could re-energise you


6. Could change your life!

2009 could be a difficult year or it could be the best year you have ever had. It's your choice. Personally I believe that we emerge stronger from tougher times. If we can find the motivation, courage, integrity, passion and enthusiasm to keep going, then we will rise above these times with a far better model of success - and it is likley to be sustainable.

But - and this is most important - the greatest thing that I learned in 2008 is that you cannot do it on your own. We all need help.

Sign up for your free 'five golden rules to setting goals' report

Tata for now

Jan
Tel: 0800 634 3320
http://www.womenssuccesscoach.co.uk/
http://www.thepeoplewhisperers.co.uk/
http://www.helpforcancer.co.uk/

JAN'S PODCAST